Client’s presenting issue
“Laura” wants a close, lasting relationship but tells me that she believes that men will always disappoint her so she doesn’t count on being close to men. She believes that they won’t follow through on their promises. Men leave, Laura tells me, because she can’t allow them to get too close. Before coming for hypnotherapy Laura has done some forgiveness work with the men that she has left and the men who have left her. She wants to learn how to express her feelings without thinking that they are wrong.
Why is it important to resolve this issue?
She wants a healthy relationship.
Any childhood associations?
Laura’s father left emotionally when she was a toddler. He would promise and not follow through. MIA because of his alcoholism. He also believed that if you’re told that you’re no good you will try harder. Laura’s mother couldn’t handle emotions so she instructed her to to into her room to express emotions.
Coping mechanisms already in place.
Works out at the gym, dances, enjoys physical activities.
What makes it worse?
Ego gets in the way. Her inner voice tells her that “You’ve got to get this done. You must to this perfectly.”
How will life look when this is resolved? She will be cleaner, more clear, no regrets. She will feel lighter, freer and will be able to receive and give love.
Goal: Initiate a process of letting go.
Approach
Normally, in an initial session I will lay the groundwork with a client either by changing their negative self talk or doing some NLP to unhook them from past negative memories. However, Laura mentioned being afraid of being alone, that she’s not loved and that she thought it was from her 3-year old self who was alone and without anybody. Using the affect bridge I regressed Laura to the first time she felt alone and not loved.
Initially, she landed at age 20 but the feeling was familiar so I guided her further back. Not surprisingly, she went back to being one day old. She was alone in an incubator wanting to be touched. Revisiting this experience allowed Laura to discover that her parents did love her and were happy that she was born. Once she had discovered the truth and felt her parents love for her, she grew up again, feeling loved.
We stopped at the scene of her 20-year old self and made sure that she also felt loved. Laura has made a huge step forward in having a healthy relationship. At her second session she reported that she smiles now when she thinks about her parents. She sees her mother reaching into the incubator to allow her to hold her finger. And, most important, she believes now that she can have a loving relationship with a partner.
Copyright 2014 Katherine Zimmerman
